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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793091">you are the sun (and the sea)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepbean/pseuds/Blepbean'>Blepbean</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dumb author didn’t edit or proofread this so we die like men, Guilt, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attack, Pre-Relationship, i think, soz for the spelling mistakes lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:42:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepbean/pseuds/Blepbean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of Darius holding onto Ben on the monorail it’s Kenji. That’s it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>“I’ve got you,” Kenji says. But it’s supposed to say something else, the way he’s holding on Ben, how his heart is hammering against his chest, it says this:</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>I like you.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>“Kenji,” he says back. </i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>But it’s supposed to say.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>I like you too.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kenji Kon/Ben Pincus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>129</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you are the sun (and the sea)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone good time to get some angst in</p>
<p>Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>-Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Kenji first met Ben, he was a small creature, keeping to himself,’something fragile, a newborn in the wild. But he was also something else, something that’s bright and yellow, like how the corner of his eyes crinkles when he smiles or how he glowed like the stars when he picked up Bumpy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now he saved all of them. When he opened the door he smiled, face like the very sun that he has to wear sunglasses to protect his eyes. He bent down to pet Bumpy and it jumped on him, it’s tail waffling. They cheered, Kenji moved forward to get closer to the brightest thing in the universe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This is it. They’re safe. They can get out and go home. But this whole trip will just be a memory, something that’s special to all of the six of them. They’ll never tell anyone, it’ll be a secret memory they’ll ponder on when they get old and have their lives, perhaps sitting on the porch taking care of their kids.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One day they’ll look back to this moment. Just six kids. Having shared a bond that neither of them </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> never forget. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You saved us Ben,” Kenji said, close to a whisper, like if he said it any longer this </span>
  <em>
    <span>buzzing </span>
  </em>
  <span>feeling inside this chest will bloom into his words, “I didn’t know you had it in you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kenji took in every single thing on his face. His features. How his hair is a bit messy and there’s dirt on his cheek. His eyes, they’re so </span>
  <em>
    <span>soft </span>
  </em>
  <span>and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>blue</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not like the pool back home where it’s always kept blue by the staff. No, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>different</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s like the very waters in the deepest part of the oceans, meters upon meters of deep water. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he might fall into it if he’s not careful. Get thrown into the deep end. Drown deep. Yes, Ben is both the sun and the sea. It all makes sense.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrifying.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But he watches Ben’s face turn into fear, everything slowing down, like the gods themselves are cruel, making Kenji watch the very boy that he likes get taken away from him. No longer the brave Ben with a toothy smile. Back to the scared Ben. The glass smashed, all the tiny pieces catching the glint of the moonlight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben’s light is brighter than </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It </span>
  </em>
  <span>takes him from Kenji. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It </span>
  </em>
  <span>takes Ben’s light.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And it snatches him off the train.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His body moves on his own, like the gods are giving him a chance. He can feel them whisper in his ear when he runs and takes a hold of the support beams and manages to catch Ben just in time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t mess this up,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>they whisper in his ear, the gods, whatever goddamn thing is up on the clouds, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“this is your last chance, don’t let him slip away from your hands.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just like that boy with glasses that was his first crush.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just like that girl that drew in the sweetest smells.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Walked.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Away.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He let them walk away </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It </span>
  </em>
  <span>tugs and pulls on Ben. But Kenji’s stronger, it gives up and flies away and Ben almost falls, </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But it’s okay. Kenji’s holding onto him with all his might, hand straining, eye brows tightening. Ben’s hanging on a thread and Kenji’s on the floor, holding and holding and holding onto this </span>
  <em>
    <span>boy </span>
  </em>
  <span>with the eyes that holds the very deepest parts of the oceans.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The air smells of gas and fire, an undercurrent of the smell of the forest is still there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenji.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He whispers, so quiet and so soft. He’s terrified. That’s okay. Ben being brave for one time is enough for the day. The moon gives her light and it bathed his face in a soft blue hue, like a cruel one last gift before he slips away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s not letting him go. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He feels him slipping, he tightens his hold, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He yells, he’s yelling for Ben. His voice. He’ll be the voice for Ben. Kenji’s shoulders pulsate with pain and his arm is straining, he takes his other hand to hold onto Ben’s hand. He’s holding onto him so tight, wishing and praying that he’s not going to fall, that he won’t slip away from his very hold.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s right there. The distance between them so </span>
  <em>
    <span>far </span>
  </em>
  <span>yet so </span>
  <em>
    <span>close</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna fall, you have to—“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>falls</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Kenji manages to save him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kenji’s eyes stings with tears. Just like with that girl and with that boy. He wants to wipe it away, but he can’t. So he settles with a soft mike, masking all the horror, telling themselves a lie that it’s going to be okay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got you,” Kenji says. But it’s supposed to say something else’s, the way he’s holding on Ben, how his heart is hammering against his chest, it says this:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I like you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenji</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he says back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But it’s supposed to say.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I like you too.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And it feels like a wound that bleeds when he slips away from his hold and falls into the canopy of trees. Kenji thinks he made a noise so loud that’ll make his throat hoarse in the morning. Or maybe not. He doesn’t know.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ben’s gone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The phantom touch is still on his wrist. How Ben looked at him with so much fear is imprinted onto his mind. He scoots away from edge, feeling the glass underneath his palm, creating shallow cuts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s gone. He’s dead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve messed up,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>the gods say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“how can you mess this up?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up!” He thinks he yells. Or maybe he yells inside his mind. Ben. He’s gone. He doesn’t blame the stupid dinosaur that took him. He blames himself, it creates a black hole, an abyss that eats away at </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>inside him, leaving behind a heavy weight of guilt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s gone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He goes back to that time in the campfire. How Ben pushed up against him, held him so tight because he was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared </span>
  </em>
  <span>of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dumb </span>
  </em>
  <span>story. But Kenji let him hold him while he stared into the fire, not even a fraction of what Ben was. The sun. He was the sun. The stars.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And also the sea.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he’s gone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The guilt turns into an ocean and he’s drowning. Even the tears, it’s a haunting reminder that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>used</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have Ben right there, just ten seconds ago. It builds and builds until there’s enough water inside his lungs. He’s drowning, actually drowning because he can’t breathe and—</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kenji.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Darius’s voice snaps him out of the ocean. But the abyss is still there, eating away, leaving behind rotten memories. He looks at his palm, it’s all red, stinging with pain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We have to go back for him—“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“—The ferry is leaving soon—“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“—We can’t leave him—“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“—He’s gone Kenji!” Darius yells.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And it echoes and echoes and echoes until it turns into background noise. It sinks into his stomach, it’s being eaten by the abyss itself. Kenji looks out into the vast jungle, sprawling with dangers and death in the very corners.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s gone,” Darius says, quieter, “we have to make it to the ferry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sun begins to dim, the moon herself taking over, casting her light. It’s a weak copycat of the sun itself, the brightest thing in the world that costs everything in sunlight. Kenji wants to yell at her, say to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop being like </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>him</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>, you’re not </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>him</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The oceans themselves begin to dissolve away. No more rides. There is nothing to take over the oceans. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He stands, the abyss heavy. Everything is heavy. Too heavy. Sammy offers to look to his wounds.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>”You’re just a kid Sammy you don’t know how to—“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“—You’re just a kid too,” she says.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They’re all just kids. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he saw his last chance fall to his death.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
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